Adrian Pang And His Son Xander Are Acting In A Play Together, And They're Father & Son Goals

“You guys have matching hair!” 8 DAYS is in theatre company Pangdemonium's new and very cool two-and-a-half-month old office in Changi to interview Adrian Pang, 53 going on 43, with his distinguished salt and pepper mop and Xander, 18 going on teen idol, with his toussled quiff. Adrian, who's never looked better, laughs and says, Well, who copied who? I don't know. You copied Xander, obviously, we quip. Obviously! Xander pipes. And when I go to Army [and shave my head], he will go bald!

Adrian and his younger offspring (older bro Zack, 19, is in the Army) are starring together in Late Company, a Pangdemonium play directed by Adrian's wife/Xander's mum Tracie Pang, about what ensues when a couple and their son (Adrian and Karen Tan, with the son played by Xander) are invited to a dinner party by a couple (Edward Choy and Janice Koh), which son's suicide a year ago may or may not have anything to do with Xander's character. It's heavy but pertinent stuff, but not without its moments of levity, as Adrian and Xander tell us, from the reactions of audiences who’ve laughed and cried since the play opened on Feb 22. There’s a week more to go (it ends March 10), and we’re here to catch up with Adrian and meet Xander (’cos has anyone else noticed what a handsome young man he’s morphed into since his days as a kiddo whippersnapper on TV on Okto?).

When we remark to Adrian what a looker Xander is, he beams and mock-whispers, “Don’t tell him that.” It’s clear that father and son are super close, and that they genuinely respect and adore each other. Adrian’s entire being swells with pride when Xander answers our questions with a maturity beyond his years, and says things like, “I admire what my parents do — it’s a privilege to be able to work with them.” It makes us want to sit Adrian and Tracie down and ask them for parenting tips, in hopes that when our kids grow up, they will be as awesome, and think that we are awesome too.

Photos: Kevin Lau

8 DAYS: Your play Late Company has been running for almost a week. How’s the response been so far?
Adrian: Great. Actually, the response has been surprising, in that you work on a play and you rehearse and after a while…
Xander: You get a bit detached.
A: You forget where the light moments and laughs are and ’cos of the subject matter, it’s easy to focus on that side of things and forget there is a lot of humour too, uncomfortable, awkward humour. The first night we opened, we were like, “Oh God, the audience is laughing.
X: And also, you start to hear sniffles about 20 minutes in and you’re like, “Hah! Wait another 20 more minutes!”

So the audience is expected to be full-blown crying at the end?
A: There are opportunities for that, put it that way. There’s been feedback about how the stories in the play resonate with people, with their own childhood or own experiences as parents or teachers, and it’s waking up a lot of people to their own biases and prejudices. Fascinating.

Xander, is this your first big role in a play?
X: It’s my first performance in front of an open audience in quite a while, about six or seven years years. My debut performance was with Pangdemonium with their first production of The Full Monty, and I’ve done a few things here and there (like on TV with Okto, and with other theatre companies), but with secondary school and taking my International Baccalaureate (IB), I kinda concentrated on school, although I did study theatre for the six years I was away from the scene. I was still very involved and aching to get out. So yeah, I think this is probably my first main big role in a play.

Did you have to audition for this role?
A: (Laughing) We did consider a few other… Xander certainly wasn’t the only consideration. There was a shortlist of other young men, but for various reasons…
X: I beat them out.
A: He killed them all. (Laughs) It just worked out really nicely.

Adrian, what do you think of Xander’s performance?
A: I’m very proud of how Xander has grown and developed, not just as a performer, but ’cos we live under the same roof, I’ve seen him evolve over the years and it’s fascinating to observe how far he’s come. The past couple of years, he’s been so focused on his studies, and he did really well in his exams. (In fact, Xander did so well he was only the third student in ACS history to get a perfect score and win an award for Academic Achievement in IB.) It’s been really lovely coming in to work every day these past weeks and yes, I’m very proud of him and I tell him every day. Sharing the stage with him and those 90 mins every night is a joy, and it’s made this particular production very special for me.

Xander, you’re going to enlist in NS in April. Are you looking forward to it?
X: I am! I am excited to be distracted by physical activity and not have time to think about anything.

Do you think a lot?
X: Yes, about this play, a lot.
A: He’s a thinker, this boy.

The play deals with some heavy issues — things like cyber-bullying and suicide.
A: Yeah, the latest thing, the Momo Challenge where apparently this character encourages kids to kill themselves (which has since been debunked as a hoax, not that parents should stop taking note of what their children are watching online) — it’s seemingly targeting really young children. The issues dealt with in Late Company stem from casual bullying where one could be like, “Ah, it’s just kids”. We talked about this while rehearsing, referencing even Xander’s school days and whether those “just for fun” joshing incidents are actually acts of bullying. It’s all kinda evolved into something much more toxic now, I guess especially with social media, and people are even more brazen about it. The play addresses both old-fashioned bullying and contemporary cyber-bullying and how much control parents have to protect their children from that. The idea of using social media to have another life, where kids seek validation via this alter ego… it’s creating a wedge between them and their family and friends, and we were becoming a more alienated society. There are these tragic stories happening around us — I know friends of friends who have lost teenage children. There’s also the idea of mental health, of young people going through depression and anxiety and not being able to talk to anyone and not knowing how to seek help. The play addresses all these problems.

You mentioned a wedge. Have you ever felt a wedge between the two of you? Like Xander, have you ever felt like your dad doesn’t get you?
X: I don’t think there’s ever been a time where I felt I couldn’t tell him anything. Just the way my brother and I have been brought up… we have this relationship with our parents where it’s very open, and not just about private things, but regular daily stuff. We were encouraged to share, whether it’s good or bad things, and to just be open. And it’s not just from us to our parents, but from them to us as well, especially now that we have matured and are on the same wavelength about stuff, this two-way sharing is something we have and I think it’s very important.

Two-way sharing — that’s a great parenting tip. I don’t think a lot of parents share about their day with their kids.
A: (Laughs) I think right from the outset, Tracie and I decided that these two boys were going to be our world. I’m sure we talked about [parenting issues], but over time, it just became natural to share… and overshare. (Laughs) My two boys — they’re my best buddies, and they’ve always been victimised by me in that I’m like, “Rawrrrr… this is my day, this is how I feel and this is what I think — deal with it!” (Laughs) They’ve had to deal with this over-sharing thing, they’ve indulged me…

Xander, do you like it that your parents share so much of their lives with you?
X: Maybe it’s partially ’cos I’m so used to it, but I do think it’s very helpful and there comes a point where I want to hear about their day.

So Adrian, you’ve conditioned them!
A: (Laughs proudly) My boys are 18 and 19 and going out into the world and forming their own relationships with people and the community, and I can’t help but wonder whether the way I’ve raised them has prepared them for the world. There’s always this parents’ fear or paranoia. It goes back to this play about how much parents have control or do they ever have control over their kids, and how much do you really know your kids?

The use of social media as validation by young people — what do you think of this, Xander?
X: I think everyone has social media. There are good and bad things about it, like with everything in life. Too much of anything is bad, and just the idea of social media in excess, like you become reliant on it like it’s a drug, that’s bad. Sometimes, it does get like that for me, and then you just really need a reality check. But there’re a lot of great things about social media too. It’s very easy to label it this big scary thing, which it can be, but it’s really about how you use it and how self-aware you are. Being self-aware is very important.

Is your Instagram account private? We couldn’t find it.
A: What’s private? I don’t even know how these things work!
X: He doesn’t need social media, the last thing he needs is another stresser. My account is just @xander._.
A: Just being on Facebook stresses me out. I get triggered and I’m like… stop, stop, breathe, breathe… the amount of stupidity out there…

Xander, what’s your own experience with bullying?
X: It really is about what you define as bullying. Like in the play, it’s blurred lines of how different people have different views of what bullying is. The situation when I was in primary school would be totally different to what primary school kids are going through now — the way people talk now is so different from 10 years ago. When I was younger, some might say I was bullied, while some might say I was a bully. When you’re a kid, everything’s just kinda a blur. Even on hindsight, it’s hard to tell. But in more clear cut cases, I haven’t been in direct contact with bullying, which I think is a blessing.

Have you ever heard or read anything about yourself that’s triggered you? Maybe ’cos your parents are famous? Other showbiz kids, like Xiang Yun’s kids, for example, were bullied because of who their parents are.
X: In primary school, the topic of who my parents are came up. And Zack is getting it in army a little bit. When they were doing their final day of BMT, they had to do some performance thing and they just forced Zack to go up ’cos you know… Adrian Pang’s son… a lot it is in fun and even when it isn’t, I think I’ve just been born with thick skin. My brother and I and just the family in general, the business we’re in with its subjectivity and critics and stuff, it’s just part of the job. That’s how I am and it’s a fortunate thing.

How about you, Adrian? Even adults, and especially artistes, can get bullied.
A: I guess there’s a fine line and the Internet trolls can easily be relabeled as bullies. If someone was trying to troll me or bully me online, it should be within my control to say whether I’m offended or not, whether to take it so personally that it affects me. I’m not saying I have the kind of mental strength to say nothing affects me — by my own admission, I am a sensitive person and I am vulnerable to people’s words. Even now at my age, I have to exercise some kind of self-control and it’s a lesson for me to reassess my own sensitivity and not be a… strawberry. (Laughs)

Do you remember the last time someone triggered you?
A: Oh God yeah, and it wasn’t even that long ago. It wasn’t even directed at me per se but I felt the need to come to the defence of someone else and it got personal. It happened on social media and I got dragged into it, and it escalated to a point where I sat myself down and said, “It’s gone too far.” I made myself stop and apologise to this person, whom I didn’t know, for engaging in that way. Negativity was thrown and I threw back, and it was back and forth. Someone had to end it and I apologised. It made me realise how toxic that playing field can be and that I should maybe stay away from it. Also, you never know what people are going through, and one unkind word could tip them over the edge.

Xander, do you remember any triggering incidents?
X: The last time I remember getting really angry, it wasn’t even an attack towards me — it was an attack towards my mum. Someone said something and I was like, “No.” I didn’t do anything. I just remembered being like, I need to step away from this conversation, but everyone could tell. Things directed at me in a joking context, it doesn’t bother me too much, but when they mention my mum by name… I everyone think has their own sensitivities and areas you can’t really touch.
A: That’s really unfair when they target not just you, but people they know are close to you. That’s mean — you should have beat him up. (Laughs) I didn’t say that. (Laughs)

Adrian, how did you feel when Xander told you he wanted to act and join showbiz? Did you warn him about how hard it was going to be?
A: I was like “whyyyy”. (Laughs) I mean, Tracie and I have never actively pushed Xander or Zack towards any of this.

Is Zach interested in showbiz too?
X: (Nods emphatically)
A: For me, showbiz is just a dirty word lah. Yes, it’s a biz and we put on shows as a biz. (Laughs) The boys both live in this hothouse of dramatics and hysteria. All their lives, that’s what they’ve known. Mama is a director and daddy does his thing. It’s just part of their DNA and conditioning and so there’s been no escape, but it’s never been like, “Go, go leh”. If there’s anything else in the world they love as much or are good at and can make a decent living from, please, by all means. I never expected them to follow this path ’cos it’s bloody hard work. It has a lot of its own frustrations and downsides and dark sides. Even now, after 25 years of doing this, I still question what I’m doing. So if they want to, do it at their own peril. (Laughs)

Any advice for your sons if they want to follow in your footsteps?
A: [To Xander] Mama and I were just talking about this in the car earlier that the whole world is at your disposal. This gig, Late Company, doesn’t have to be in any way another platform for you to follow in this direction. If Xander is interested in pursuing something else, like his interest in psychology, and I hope he doesn't mind me saying that, by all means, pursue that.
X: I’m taking my two NS years to decide.
A: He’s using NS as a positive buffer. His older bro Zack is halfway through NS and already he’s showing very clear signs of wanting to pursue theatre. So it looks like that one is a forgone conclusion. I’m trying not to influence Xander’s decision too much. Empirically, objectively, as I’m able to look at it, he’s good at it and shows a lot of promise.

How about TV? You’ve got the looks for it.
X: I did some TV stuff when I was younger, on Okto, but yeah I’m kinda seeing where life takes me and keeping my doors open.

What’s it like to be told what to do at home by mum and dad and then go to work and be told what to do by mum and dad?
X: It’s no change. It’s really great to be working with them. You always hear about their day second-hand but being able to see it first-hand gives you a new kind of respect and admiration for the work they do.
A: (Snickers)
X: I just admire what they create and go through every day. It’s a privilege to be able to work with them.

That’s super sweet!
A: (Laughs and mock-whispers to Xander) Okay, I give you extra money later.

What if someone is like, “Oh, Adrian Pang’s son is very good-looking. Let’s groom him into some kind of teen idol”?
X: Well, if it pays well. (Laughs)
A: I have brought you up well, my son. (Laughs)

Do the girls knock down your door at school?
X: No, no way! I mean, I’m just gonna see where life takes me. There’s gonna be a lot of opportunities to do a lot of things coming up very soon, just ’cos of age and life and the way the world is at the moment, so I’m open to everything.
A: Speaking as your dad, I think you’re better than just being a so-called teen idol. There’s so much baggage that comes with that that’s hard to shake off. You’re much more than that.

Late Company runs till March 10 at Victoria Theatre. Tickets from Sistic.