The Singaporean actress-playwright who married an ex-offender at 47: ‘There’s no expiry date to finding love’

Aidli Mosbit is an award-winning playwright, actress and director in Singapore whose work usually explores Malay culture and women’s issues.

Her work has not only been featured by prominent local theatre companies such as The Necessary Stage, Wild Rice and Teater Kami, but also abroad in Scotland, Australia, Malaysia, Indonesia, Romania, Hong Kong and Hungary.

The multi-hyphenate is also a senior lecturer at the Centre for Transcultural Studies at Temasek Polytechnic.  

In her midlife, Aidli had built a successful career and life. The only thing that she found lacking was love.

Then in her mid-forties, Aidli had just emerged from a decade-long relationship. Ageists said she was too old to find love. She paid no heed.

When she did find love, it was not what everyone expected. She fell in love with a prison inmate and former drug addict. She saw something special in the man and that was enough for her.

SINGLE AGAIN IN HER 40S

For 11 years since her mid-thirties, Aidli was in a long-term relationship. She had wanted to take the next step towards marriage, but her then-partner kept stalling.

“I thought, we’ve gotten this far. Marriage is just one more step to make it legal, and make it ‘halal’ (permissible under Islamic law). But he kept telling me that marriage is not important,” she told CNA Women.

Finally, during the circuit breaker, she decided to call it quits. “When we were stuck together, I was like, I cannot do this anymore,” she recalled, adding that she had been unhappy in the relationship.

She was 46 then – not the easiest age to re-emerge into the dating scene, and her ex was quick to remind her of this.

“He said, ‘You’re not young. I don’t think you will succeed with going back into dating life.’ At some point, I actually believed him,” she admitted.

There were others around her who echoed this sentiment. “Upon hearing I was going on a date, some would say, ‘Serious, ah? How old, already? No need, lah!’”

Aidli ignored all her naysayers. She plunged back into the dating world, meeting people on dating websites, as well as acquaintances. 

Navigating the dating world was not without challenges. “There were people who were very sneaky. Some were actually married men. I did some sleuthing and found out,” she said. “I think everyone should do some probing work with the person that you are going out with!”

She also came across other red flags, such as a charming guy who confessed to having serious anger management issues.

“When you’re older, you can see through bullshit and sift through things that you don’t want. After two hours of dinner and talk with someone, you quickly realise it won’t work and move on,” she said.

FINDING LOVE IN THE MOST UNEXPECTED PLACE

Aidli went out with quite a number of people, but never found her person. What she did not know is that she had already met him.

In 2019, a theatre arts instructor invited her for a performance by prison inmates. “When I went to the auditorium in prison, I felt like I was being watched. I thought, of course, this is a prison. Lots of CCTV,” she laughed.

Only much later did she realise the person watching her from backstage was one of the inmates and performers, Lezan Ariffin.

After previously watching Aidli’s 45-minute monodrama Serunding as part of his theatre programme in prison in 2017, he had become a fan. In fact, he was the one who urged his instructor to invite Aidli for the prison performance and had been thrilled to see her in the audience.

When Lezan got out of prison in 2020, he added Aidli on Facebook and sent her a cryptic message: “I remember you.” Aidli asked how they were acquainted, and he replied honestly – that they had met in prison.

They began a Facebook friendship. After chatting with him, Aidli found out that Lezan had been in and out of prison multiple times since the age of 18 for drug offences. That did not deter her from getting to know him better.

“I found him very interesting. The guy is widely read and well informed. We had deep conversations about history, politics and theatre. It was a breath of fresh air to meet someone so easy to talk to,” she said.

Lezan felt Aidli was out of his league and hesitated to ask her out. But after a month of chatting, she asked him out.

He was working in Toa Payoh, and after work, had to report around 8.30pm to his halfway house in Changi where he was completing his sentence. Because time was tight, she met him at his workplace and travelled with him back to a coffeeshop near his halfway house.

It was a lovely date and the conversation flowed easily. They had a bit of time to spare, so the pair took a walk along the beach.

It was during COVID-19 and they were both wearing masks. “I said, you know what, I am thinking of kissing you. She didn’t say ‘no’. She just pulled down her mask,” Lezan said, as the couple burst into laughter.

That was their first kiss – on their first date.

For the next three months, while Lezan remained at the halfway house, Aidli often cooked simple meals and met him at a void deck near his workplace for lunch. Upon his release, Lezan moved in with his mum and Aidli visited frequently.

Lezan, who had suffered two failed marriages due to his addiction and incarceration admitted that he was not initially looking for love or marriage. But the relationship developed naturally and soon, there was talk of marriage.

On Valentine’s Day in 2021, five months after their first date, the pair got engaged. Three months later, in May 2021, they had a COVID-19 wedding on Lezan’s birthday. He had just turned 54 and she was 47.

“No food was allowed so our banquet was in a bag. I had to pay for 50 ART (Antigen Rapid Tests) for those who had not been fully vaccinated,” she laughed.  

No live performances were allowed either, so Aidli played a song she had recorded. “We weren’t allowed to sing, but I recorded the song and let it play.”

It was a simple and beautiful affair. Lezan wrote a poem for her, and she also performed a stand-up comedy of how the two met.

HER OWN VERSION OF HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER

When I met the couple, they had just moved to their new flat they had designed together. They looked very happy together.

“Married life is nice,” Aidli smiled. “Having accomplished a lot of things in my life, I can tell you that I don’t need a man in my life to have a good life. But having a husband – someone to always be there to rally with me – has totally value-multiplied my life.”

She openly shared that because of her successful career, she is the main provider of the family – an arrangement that works for both of them. “I have never been the kind of woman who thinks I need to find a husband so he can support me. Marriage is not a transaction,” she said.

Speaking of his history of drug addiction, she said she is reassured to see how the theatre arts programme has made her husband more self-aware, and believes he has the maturity to work through obstacles with her. She is also extremely proud of the befriending and mentoring work he does to help other ex-addicts.

Lezan, on his part, confided that he struggled with social prejudices at first.

“Because I have been in and out of prison, people talk. Some said that I have found a ‘treasure chest’ [in Aidli]. How can I explain to them that it is not about wealth, it’s about feelings and love? It was hard at the beginning,” he said.

“But Aidli never dwells on my past or looks down on me. She loves me unconditionally. She is my second-chance door. I don’t want to lose it. So no matter what people say, what they think, I just focused on the relationship and moved forward,” he added.

Aidli knows her love story is not most people’s version of happily-ever-after. And she is glad for that.

“Everyone needs different things out of their relationship. The world has changed. We shouldn’t be stuck to very strict ideas of what love can be,” she reflected.

Speaking of her midlife marriage, she added: “I also don’t think there is an expiry date to finding love. Just because you haven’t found anyone yet does not mean you are doomed for unhappiness. You can find love at any age.”