'Sisters from another mother': This Singaporean writer celebrates the beauty of female friendships in her life

I don’t have sisters but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to love one. All my life, I’ve been surrounded by different groups of female friends who had my back in every way.  

From major life events like breakups and engagements, struggles with infertility and quarter-life crises, to everyday concerns like job searches and what to wear, my girl friends and I have always been there for each other.

When I was 14, one of my close friends went through her first breakup. The relationship had only lasted a few months and the breakup was done over Facebook Messenger.  I know, I know, we were teenagers – how could something like that hurt? 

When we look back now, almost 14 years later, we laugh at how seriously we took the whole thing. But as much as it is amusing now, back then, it really was serious. 

I remember my friend being so dejected about the breakup that all I wanted to do was make her feel better. 

That day, we sat at a McDonald’s outlet near her house until 8pm. I bought her fries that we dipped in ice cream and I made sure she was laughing and well before I left. 

When I was 21, that same friend went through another breakup. This time, it was a boy she was really in love with. It was a tough time for her. And just like seven years before, I made sure I was there for her.

I sat with her on a bench at our university campus and skipped the first 30 minutes of my lecture to hold her and ensure she was okay before we parted ways. There was no ice cream and fries this time, but lots more tissue and hugs.

Sleepovers were the highlight of my schooling years and my home became known as the hangout place because my girl friends and I would spend so much time in it. 

There, we cried, laughed and debated about everything under the sun. We would bake and watch horror movies (screaming our heads off used to worry my parents so much but they eventually got used to it), study for our exams and more. 

I can’t count the number of times my different girl friend groups and I listened to each other rant – or break down – about our struggles. There were just so many of such moments. And what we truly need in difficult times isn’t solutions, but an empathetic listening ear – which was exactly what we got.

And so, from breakups to school struggles, family problems to financial stress, we held space for each other. 

British author Dolly Alderton said it best when she said: "Nearly everything I know about love, I've learnt from my long-term friendships with women."

Just as we were there for each other during the bad times, we also celebrated many highs together.

During the COVID-19 pandemic when we couldn’t meet in person, my girl friends and I took to regular Zoom calls to check up on each other, cry about the pandemic, or just have lunch and dinner together. 

When I got married during Singapore’s circuit breaker in 2020 when no in-person gathering was allowed, they organised virtual gatherings and simple bachelorette parties over Zoom for me. 

Different friends sent me numerous gifts to celebrate the occasion. Among many lovely items were food, dresses, drawings, calligraphy art, board games, handmade photo albums, handwritten letters and cards. 

I never felt alone and in many ways, my girl friends made sure I felt very loved, not just on one of the most important days of my life but every day too. 

THINGS I CAN’T SHARE WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT MY SISTERS FROM ANOTHER MOTHER 

As much as I’m happily married and have wholesome friendships with men, there are some things that only women get.  

Take period cramps, for example. All I need to do is send a combination of the drop-of-blood emoji and emojis related to pain to our group chat and my girls would instantly get it.   

Cue the flood (pun unintended) of empathy and support: Do you have a heat pad for your cramps? Do you need the pink Panadol pills? Do you have enough pillows with you? If it’s that bad, have you taken MC? 

Somehow, just knowing that I have my girls looking out for me makes me feel a lot better. Yes, even if the pain still claws at my uterus. 

That’s not to say that I left my husband out, it’s just that he understands things from a male perspective. Many times, my girl friends just got it. 

As women, we also have innate concerns about safety. When my girl friends were on university exchanges – them in England and Germany, me in Scotland – we were especially worried for each other’s safety.

We set up a location tracker so we would know where everyone was. And when one of us travelled solo on an overnight bus to catch a concert in another city, the rest of us stayed up until 3am or 4am, to accompany her virtually and make sure she was safe.  

GROWING UP WITH MEMORIES I’LL ALWAYS KEEP CLOSE TO MY HEART

The best part of having sisters from another mother is seeing ourselves grow through the years. 

My girl friends and I don’t always agree on everything or understand perfectly what the other is going through. 

It took me a few years to understand why one of them had body issues. We had multiple discussions that spanned many months and it took a lot of learning, empathy and humility for me to finally see where she was coming from. 

Even though we don’t always get it right at first, it’s the willingness to learn, understand and grow that I appreciate in most of my female friendships. I’ve gained a lot of wisdom from them. 

I appreciate how my closest friends from primary school have grown up with me, through different schools, universities and now, our working lives.  

We saw one another through our cringe years as teens where we’d cry over our crushes, argue over who did better at school and take the silliest selfies and videos on the bus home from school.

As adults, we now go on overseas trips together, spend hours singing off-key karaoke and support each other through our work issues – and we still laugh over the smallest things. 

It’s heartwarming how, despite the years, little has changed and we all have quirks that only we as close girl friends know about.

I’m known as the one who takes the most photos. Another friend is the ‘Mom Friend’ who always has tissues, sweets, plastic bags and Panadol for anyone who needs it. Another is the one who will suggest the group meets up but then leaves the planning and coordination to me. 

As we continue to reach different life milestones like marriage, getting a Master’s degree, starting a new career, or motherhood, I’m hopeful that we’ll have even more experiences to share and opportunities to support one another.

Here’s to my friendships with these sisters from another mother, the ones who continue to take care of me – and who trust me to take care of them.