‘A dignified way to part ways’: Divorce by mutual agreement may reduce conflict and distress for the couple

A change to the Women’s Charter now allows couples in Singapore to file for divorce by mutual agreement (DMA). From Jul 1, 2024, divorce by mutual agreement can be used as a reason in divorce proceedings. 

Gloria James-Civetta, head lawyer at Gloria James-Civetta & Co, said DMA allows a couple to “jointly end their marriage without assigning blame to either party for its breakdown”. A separation period is also not required.

It’s seen as a move towards a more collaborative, less adversarial approach to divorce – the couple comes to a mutual agreement on the terms of their divorce without a court mandated decision, said John Shepherd Lim, chief wellbeing officer and director of Singapore Counselling Centre.

“In essence, DMA underlines a respectful and dignified way to part ways,” he added. “It’s about acknowledging shared contributions to the relationship’s end, thus allowing both individuals to move forward with a sense of responsibility and closure.”

Couples in Singapore may divorce based on these grounds: 

• Adultery, where a spouse has committed adultery
• Unreasonable behaviour, where a spouse has behaved in a manner where you cannot reasonably be expected to continue living with him/her (for example, abuse or addiction)
• Desertion, where a spouse has deserted you for a continuous period of at least two years
• Three-year separation, where you and your spouse have lived apart for a period of three years. In this case, spousal consent to divorce is required
• Four-year separation, where you and your spouse have lived apart for a period of four years; spousal consent is not required

IS IT EASIER TO CALL IT QUITS WITH DIVORCE BY MUTUAL AGREEMENT?

The words “mutual agreement” can be easily misinterpreted, giving the notion that DMA gives couples an easy out in their marriage, said Samantha Soh, an advocate and solicitor from Derrick Soh Law Corporation.

“It makes people think that they can get a divorce as long as there is an agreement. There are still certain requirements to be met,” she added.

The basic requirement for divorce, regardless of the reason, would be that the couple must have been married for at least three years, unless granted special permission by the court.

The couple also has to submit a written agreement detailing the reasons behind the breakdown of their marriage, efforts made to reconcile and arrangements made in relation to their finances and children (if any) to the court.

James-Civetta believes it would probably include attending therapy and counselling sessions, whether as a couple or as an individual, among others.

“DMA merely functions as a bridge that helps couples reach mutually agreeable ground on their divorce without finger-pointing,” said James-Civetta. “If the couple is unable to agree on the ancillary matters, they will still have to undergo mediation and/or a contested ancillary matters hearing before the divorce is finalised.”

GIVING POWER BACK TO WOMEN 

Eliminating the blame game between the couple allows them to focus on making decisions based on their needs rather than on legal tactics.

“When the terms of divorce are agreed upon mutually, the psychological and emotional distress can be greatly mitigated,” said Lim.

James-Civetta explained that working towards an amicable resolution fosters a sense of respect for both spouses in the process. This is aligned with the Women’s Charter’s goal of an equal marriage partnership and a healthy and respectful environment – even during a divorce.

It may also be able to relieve the societal pressure that some women find themselves in, especially if they’re in an unhappy marriage.

By promoting a more respectful and cooperative approach, DMA can help reduce the stigma often associated with divorce. It can encourage a broader understanding of divorce as a responsible and mutual decision, rather than a contentious failure, said James-Civetta.

Furthermore, with the elimination of a contested and potentially prolonged divorce trial, DMA can be cost efficient as the legal processes are more streamlined.

This especially applies to couples who can file for divorce under the simplified track. Also known as an uncontested divorce, this is where the couple has not only agreed to divorce, but has also resolved all ancillary matters from the legal separation, such as division of marital assets, child custody and maintenance, prior to filing.

In this scenario, the divorce can be finalised in as short as four months.

In such cases, DMA may also minimise the legal fees incurred, providing women in less than comfortable financial or social circumstances a more accessible and less adversarial route to divorce.

PRIORITISING THE WELLBEING OF THE CHILDREN

Divorce is difficult, especially on the children. But the silver lining in DMA is that a quicker resolution can minimise the level of conflict and tension that the children involved are exposed to.

“A less contentious process is better for the children’s emotional wellbeing,” said Lim.

Working towards mutual agreement in ancillary matters can also foster a cooperative approach towards future co-parenting.

To safeguard the wellbeing of the children involved, the Women’s Charter requires that all couples with minors (children under 21 years) opting for the simplified divorce track, including DMA, need to attend the Mandatory Co-Parenting Programme.

The programme aims to better support child-centric divorces, helping parents make informed decisions that prioritise their children’s welfare.

“Achieving a settlement through DMA can provide emotional closure and a sense of finality, making it easier for both parties to move on with their lives,” said Lim.

At the same time, Lim cautioned that the shorter divorce process of DMA, with no separation period required, may result in less time given to look at the long-term impact on the children.

“The sudden change in family structure may also be detrimental to the emotional stability and security of the children,” Lim added. So it’s important for couples to consider their children’s wellbeing when going the DMA route.

DMA VS SEPARATION: SIMILAR BUT DIFFERENT

Prior to DMA, the only other no-fault based divorce option for a couple would be on the grounds of separation. Will DMA change what couples can opt for when filing for divorce?

It depends on the situation, said the lawyers CNA Women spoke to.

Unlike separation, DMA does not require the couple to undergo a separation period before filing for divorce. So for couples already living separately and who believe the marriage cannot be reconciled, DMA can be an option, said Soh.

However, they would still need to show receipt of the efforts made in attempting to reconcile the marriage before filing for DMA, added James-Civetta.

He said that in situations where the separated couple have moved on with new partners, proceeding with separation and then filing for divorce once the three-period is up, would be a preferred option.

Lawyers emphasise that DMA should not be seen as an all-encompassing solution for couples who want to end a marriage quickly.

On the contrary, “the requirements of DMA are likely to be stringent and the court still retains discretion in whether or not the divorce should be granted”, said James-Civetta.

Having these requirements in place is aligned with the government’s policy in relation to the sanctity of marriage. They serve as a reminder that a couple “must try to work on their issues before considering divorce, which has to be the last resort”, said Soh.