Ways for women: 9 tips to make new friends and become more sociable as you get older

Having close friends that we can rely on is good for our mental and emotional well-being. But as we get older, we realise that the number of friends we have starts to dwindle. It also becomes more difficult to make new friends.

As we move through different life stages, our priorities, responsibilities and circumstances change, leaving us with less time and energy to nurture friendships, said Sophie Leong, a somatic trauma-informed coach who helps people work through their past traumas and build resilience.

Clinical psychologist Dr Natalie Games of Alliance Counselling said a person’s social life peaks at age 25.

Referring to a 2016 study published in the Royal Society Open Science journal, she said: “The average 25-year-old woman contacts about 17.5 people per month, while a man contacts 19 people.”

After this age, a woman’s social circle starts getting smaller and this decline continues for the rest of her life until retirement, where it plateaus, Dr Games added.

What is preventing us from making new friends as we get older?

According to Leong, when you’re younger and have more time and fewer responsibilities, you’re more open and curious about meeting new people and experiencing new things.

In contrast, the older you has less time, more responsibilities and has set routines and habits. “This makes it harder to break out of our comfort zones to meet new people,” said Leong. 

Added Dr Games: “There is a tendency for your casual circle to decrease as you focus more on certain relationships and invest time and energy in maintaining those relationships.

“Once people have made decisions and found the people they want to spend time with, they are less interested in socialising widely.”

But all is not lost. Here are some tips to help you enlarge your social circle: 

1. START SMALL AND GRADUAL

Begin with low-pressure social interactions to build confidence, such as initiating small talk with a colleague.

Gradual exposure can help reduce anxiety and allows for incremental improvements in social skills without it feeling overwhelming, especially for introverts, said Dr Games.

And if in-person interaction is too much, consider connecting with people online through safe and trustworthy online communities, such as Bumble For Friends, said Leong. Bumble For Friends is a feature on the dating app Bumble that is specifically designed to help people find platonic friendships.

2. SET ACHIEVABLE SOCIAL GOALS

This could be attending a social or networking event and introducing yourself to one new person.

“Setting small, manageable goals helps to build confidence and provides a sense of accomplishment, which can motivate further social engagement,” said Dr Games.

3. PRACTISE ACTIVE LISTENING

Focus on being an active listener during conversations. You can ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in the other person’s responses.

This can create deeper and more engaging interactions, and ease any social anxiety you might have when meeting new people.

4. BE OPEN IN YOUR COMMUNICATION

Be genuine in sharing your thoughts and feelings – this can help foster a friendship built on trust and understanding.

“Authenticity fosters deeper connections and allows others to relate to you on a more personal level,” said Dr Games.

5. JOIN CLUBS OR INTEREST GROUPS

Consider engaging in activities or joining groups that are related to your personal interests, such as cooking, books and reading, an art community for mothers, or fitness groups. This will allow you to have shared experiences with others, facilitating natural conversations and bonding.

And it isn’t just limited to geographical location. Joining online groups, forums or social media communities can also help you connect with people globally who share your passions.

6. VOLUNTEER FOR CAUSES YOU CARE ABOUT

Like joining interest groups, volunteering can help you make new friends. “Volunteering not only allows you to contribute to meaningful work, but also provides opportunities to meet like-minded individuals who share your values,” said Dr Games.

7. EXPAND YOUR EXISTING NETWORK

Reach out and reconnect with old friends, family, colleagues or even acquaintances through social media or mutual connections. “Leveraging your existing network can lead to new friendships,” said Dr Games.

8. INVEST IN YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND SHOW APPRECIATION

Friendships are more than just social interactions, they are dynamic relationships that require effort and understanding, said Dr Games.

So try to make an effort to spend time, whether in person or virtually, to deepen the bonds of friendship, said Leong. Embracing this perspective can help you appreciate the depth and complexity of adult friendships.

Friendship is not a one-way street so it’s important to acknowledge and express gratitude for your friend’s presence in your life.

Remember, small gestures of kindness – dropping a message to ask how she’s doing or treating your friend to a meal on her birthday – can go a long way.

9. LET THE FRIENDSHIP EVOLVE

One of the reasons why friendships dwindle in adulthood is because everyone gets too busy. But that’s okay. “Understand that both you and your friend are evolving. Support each other’s growth and be open to adapting the friendship as needed,” said Leong.