Inside a menopause 'cafe' where women talk openly about their experiences: 'A great start to break the silence'

Scrolling through Instagram in early June, I came across an event organised by local menopause platform Surety. Pause & Sip – touted as "Asia’s first menopause cafe" – was holding its second session on Jun 18, 2025, inviting women to join “an open, honest chat about mental health in midlife”.

Who was I to decline this enticing invitation?

As I stepped into Mortar & Pestle Cafe at South Bridge Road at 11am that day, I was certain that the session would be basically medical experts sharing advice, while a bunch of women sat around listening and nodding, and perhaps occasionally asking a question.

What happened instead was a flow of stories from middle-aged women sharing very personal details on how menopause has affected their lives. They opened up about how the "change" led to confusion, a loss of confidence and relationship issues, even divorce, in one case.

Twelve women (including me) sat in a circle to share their experiences and get advice from the experts. They might have come from different ages, walks of life – and even nationalities – but one thing everyone agreed on was that we need to talk more about menopause.

The event was led by Dr Nav Uppal, a family physician and Surety’s community lead and medical advisor, and Dr Ronina Stevens, a psychologist. After introducing themselves, they handed over to the next person in the circle, which was me.

I had no idea how deep I should go into my menopause experience. Talking about it to my sister and friends was fine but sharing with a bunch of strangers? I wasn’t sure I needed to say too much.

So I introduced myself, stating my name, occupation and some menopause symptoms I experience. I also said how I love that there has been so much more publicity about menopause in recent years.

I felt this was the gist of what everyone else would say but it turned out that I was the person who shared the least that morning.

A SAFE SPACE FOR WOMEN

As we went round the circle, the women spoke more and more about their struggles with menopause. After a while, I felt like I was having a chat with friends and no little detail was too personal to share.

One woman lamented the fact that her partner can’t seem to understand what she’s going through while another woman was grappling with her changing hormones as well as her teenage son’s raging ones.

Then, there was a woman who quit her job in the medical profession because her brain fog was so bad that she felt she might end up causing some damage mid-procedure.

Surety’s co-founder Valery Tan told CNA Women that the idea for the Pause & Sip menopause cafes stemmed from the lived experiences of many in the Surety community who shared that they felt isolated, unheard or unsure of where to turn for reliable support.

If the right tone was set – a non-judgmental, confidential space – people would feel safe enough to open up, she said.

“Still, we’ve been deeply moved by the sheer depth and vulnerability of the sharings,” said Tan. “Women have spoken about everything from career pivots and changing identities to sexual well-being, grief and family dynamics.

“These aren’t just surface-level chats. They’re powerful, heart-opening conversations that often bring both laughter and tears,” she added.

The support group hosts a session every month, each about a different topic related to menopause.

BREAKING THE SILENCE AROUND MENOPAUSE

Dawn Lum, 53, returned to Singapore earlier this year after living in Dublin, Ireland, for 10 years. She was searching for a menopause community here and stumbled upon Surety on LinkedIn.

She admitted she had “no expectation” when attending the event, knowing that “menopause can be a tough subject”. She was, however, keen on sharing her story “in case it helps even one woman”.

Lum started experiencing menopause symptoms at the age of 48, with hot flushes and joint pain, and revealed that she “wasn’t feeling” herself.

The symptoms got worse and she sought help in early 2024 and was put on menopause hormone therapy (MHT), a decision that “has given me back my life”.

MHT is the updated name of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) that reflects a more inclusive approach to treating menopause.

She observed that the women at this Pause & Sip session “were all ready to share our experiences once the ball got rolling”.

“It’s like a silent scream for some of them, a cry for help,” said Lum. “I recognise this feeling because I was one of them, before I started my HRT journey. I went away feeling that it was a great start to break the silence around menopause.”

She added: “I think it has been ingrained in society, even more so in Asia, to think just because we are women, we should carry this torch like our mothers and grandmothers did and sail through menopause, or that it’s part and parcel of being a woman, or [the belief that] HRT will give you cancer.”  

Lum also felt that menopause should be a topic of interest for women in every stage of life, as well as men.

“I have a 25-year-old daughter and I’m glad I’m able to openly share with her and her partner about important issues such as menopause. I’m preparing her for this life-changing moment so she doesn’t have to suffer alone, in silence.”

REAL WOMEN, POIGNANT STORIES

Choong Rui Cheng, 41, had seen the impact that menopause had on her mother. However, because she was very young at the time, she didn’t understand that what her mother was going through was due to menopause. 

“She had a very rough time, with very heavy bleeding,” Choong recalled. “I have a very vivid memory from when I was 17, of us travelling to Indonesia to visit my father, who was based there. We almost didn’t make it to a connecting flight as she was bleeding heavily, with blood flowing out.”

Choong now wants to learn more about menopause so that she’ll be prepared when her time comes. Also, as an aromatherapist, clients come to her for help with period issues and she wanted to know if she could help any of them through menopause too.

Over two hours, the women talked, laughed, even cried, and got very personal about menopause. It was a heartening, eye-opening experience for me.

It also put my own menopause journey into perspective, faced with stories from women going through a lot more crippling symptoms than me.

These weren’t just stories on an anonymous online blog or a video on social media from an influencer. These were real women, with poignant, powerful experiences.

Would I attend another menopause cafe? Definitely.

While it’s therapeutic for some women, it’s also incredibly touching and encouraging to know that women in Singapore want to shout a lot louder about menopause – and not just because of our menopausal mood swings.