Is heavy snoring ruining your relationship? Can sleep divorce be a way to save it?

You’re about to drift off to sleep when your partner’s snoring jolts you back to reality. Again. You throw a pillow, yank the duvet, hit them… anything non-criminal to stop the noise. But you know the reprieve is only temporary.

It is not surprising that the internet’s latest wellness buzzword is sleep divorce – that is, you and your partner happily sleep in different rooms. No alimony, no drama and most importantly, no snoring. Just sweet, uninterrupted sleep.

It seems like the most practical of things to do when you have a partner who snores. And it seems many of us do, according to the 2025 Global Sleep Survey by ResMed, a company that focuses on sleep and breathing technology. Almost a third or 31 per cent of the 1,000 respondents in Singapore said they were affected by snoring partners at least a few times a week.

Coincidentally, about 30 per cent of Singaporeans suffer from a moderate to severe form of sleep apnoea, according to a 2016 study. It is a condition where you not only snore loudly but your breathing stops and starts intermittently in your sleep.

Despite many Singaporeans experiencing sleep apnoea symptoms such as snoring and excessive daytime fatigue, only 19 per cent have seen a doctor for a diagnosis, according to the survey.

Of course, not every snorer has sleep apnoea but we can agree that they all don’t make good sleep buddies.

The ResMed survey on over 30,000 respondents from 13 countries also found that in Singapore, women were more affected by their partners’ snoring than men (45 per cent versus 23 per cent). The main reason is hormonal changes, particularly during menopause. 

Men weren’t exempted from the effects of snoring either: 12 per cent reported a drop in libido due to insufficient sleep.

“Poor sleep can affect energy levels and emotional well-being, with 19 per cent of Singaporeans feeling too fatigued to spend quality time with their partners,” said Dr Carlos Nunez, ResMed’s chief medical officer.

Now you know why your partner isn’t in the mood for love. But is sleep divorce the only solution to your snoring woes? What about intimacy? Or a more practical conundrum: You don’t have an extra room to sleep separately in. Let’s find out.

WHY DO COUPLES HAVE TO SLEEP TOGETHER ANYWAY?

“Humans have always shared sleeping spaces for practical reasons such as safety, warmth and a limited living space,” said Dr Annabelle Chow, the principal clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology.

Over time, sleeping together evolved into a way for couples to strengthen their emotional bonds, beyond sex, to become a meaningful part of the relationship, she explained.

Moreover, physical closeness promotes the release of oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone”, said Dr Chow, which helps you feel happier, calmer and more emotionally connected – especially after a conflict or stressful day.

“For many couples, it is also a routine that reinforces closeness, helping them stay connected despite their busy lives,” she said. 

With all those reasons, it's little wonder that in the survey, 55 per cent of Singaporeans found that physical intimacy, such as cuddling, improves sleep quality.

WHY DO WE SEE SLEEPING APART AS A BAD THING?

“Media portrayals in books, movies, and stories reinforce this idea,” said Dr Chow. For example, happy couples are often depicted sleeping together, whereas a separate sleeping arrangement is a sign of a troubled relationship, she said.

In real life, that notion is also reinforced. You might be familiar with a girl friend joking that her hubby will be sleeping on the couch tonight after a particularly upsetting event.

“This results in many individuals associating sleeping apart with emotional distance, even when the decision is purely practical,” said Dr Chow.

WHO HAS TRIED SLEEP DIVORCE?

Quite a few people, actually. The ResMed survey found that globally, 18 per cent of couples slept in separate rooms. In Singapore, nearly half (49 per cent) of the respondents have done the same.

In fact, about 10 per cent to 20 per cent of the couples Dr Chow sees also practise sleep divorce. “While it’s not the norm, it’s also not uncommon, especially for couples dealing with chronic snoring, different sleep schedules or personal sleep preferences,” she said.

WHAT ARE THE PROS AND CONS OF SLEEP DIVORCE?

From the survey, Singaporeans who have tried sleep divorce reported:

• Improved sleep quality: 64 per cent
• Improved relationship: 31 per cent
• A positive impact on their sex lives: 24 per cent

Wait, how does sleeping apart contribute to a better sex life and relationship? As Dr Nunez mentioned earlier, a lack of sleep can lead to a lower libido. There are other issues, too, such as irritability and increased conflict, “making physical affection feel like a chore rather than a desire”, said Dr Chow.

But “when both partners are well rested, they tend to feel happier, more patient and more emotionally connected, which naturally enhances their intimacy”, she said.

Additionally, continued Dr Chow, sleeping apart can create anticipation and rekindle desire. “When couples become more intentional about making time for intimacy, this shift can make physical connection feel more exciting and meaningful, and strengthen the overall relationship.”

However, sleep divorce isn’t for everyone. From the survey, “36 per cent felt that their quality of sleep got worse or remained the same,” said Dr Nunez. “And at least one in four felt their relationship and sex life took a turn for the worse after sleeping apart.”

CAN YOU TRY SLEEP DIVORCE WITHOUT AFFECTING INTIMACY?

You’ll have to be intentional about connection, said Dr Chow. “One way is to schedule intimacy, set aside time for sex on weekends or evenings when both partners are more relaxed.

“Outside of the bedroom, maintain physical affection through hugs, kisses and small gestures like holding hands or casual cuddles when spending time together,” she added.

Bridge the emotional distance by enacting your shared nighttime routines. This can be talking about the day, cuddling, or simply starting and ending the day together, Dr Chow suggested.

“Regular ‘check-in’ conversations are essential. Setting aside time once a week to talk about life, personal challenges, shared goals and future dreams helps maintain emotional closeness,” she said.

“Lastly, understanding each other’s love languages and making an effort to fulfil them helps strengthen the sense of being loved and appreciated.”

BUT THERE’S NO EXTRA ROOM AT HOME. WHAT OTHER SOLUTIONS ARE THERE?

One approach, suggested Dr Chow, is for the non-snoring partner to fall asleep first. “It may be easier to stay asleep than trying to sleep while the snoring is already happening.

“If necessary, sleeping in the living room or other available space occasionally can provide relief on particularly bad nights,” she said.

Or try masking the snoring with a white noise machine or soft background sounds, Dr Chow recommended.

Medically, see a doctor to address any nasal obstruction and for positional therapy, where you are given strategies to sleep on your side, suggested Dr Shaun Loh, a senior consultant ENT surgeon at The ENT, Voice & Snoring Clinic (Napier).

A Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) machine or oral device that adjusts the jaw's position during sleep may be prescribed, he said.

ARE THERE MORE PERMANENT SOLUTIONS?

If the abovementioned methods fail (for instance, up to 40 per cent of patients struggle to adapt to CPAP therapy), surgery can be the next consideration, said Dr Loh.

“Unlike in Caucasians, where snoring and sleep apnoea are often weight-related, many Singaporeans with normal or slightly elevated BMI also snore,” said Dr Loh. “This is because of the smaller jaw structure in Asians, which makes our airways naturally smaller and more susceptible to collapse.”

Minimally invasive procedures, which aim to stiffen the soft palate, are often performed to treat snoring, said Dr Loh. “Increasing the stiffness of the soft palate dampens the degree of vibration and thereby, reduces snoring intensity.”

He added: “If there's an anatomical issue contributing to the snoring – like large tonsils, a deviated nasal septum or floppy soft palate tissue – corrective surgeries can address those”.

Surgery is also used to correct the muscle collapse at the back of the throat during sleep that leads to obstructive sleep apnoea. Other procedures to consider, said Dr Loh, include coblation tongue channelling and hypoglossal nerve stimulation (HNS).

“Coblation tongue channelling uses radiofrequency energy to create small channels in the tongue tissue to stiffen the tongue and prevent it from collapsing into the airway during sleep,” explained Dr Loh.

HNS involves implanting a small device under the skin near the collar bone to stimulate the hypoglossal nerve, which controls the tongue. Doing so prevents the tongue from collapsing into the airway during sleep.

“Unlike other surgeries that alter the airway's structure, HNS focuses on improving the muscle tone of the upper airway. This procedure is particularly useful for patients whose muscles weaken with age, leading to airway collapse,” said Dr Loh.