This nurse is a friend to families of prison inmates and an ex-drug offender: ‘They deserve a second chance’

In February, Salimah Mohd Ayoob received an urgent call about a terminally ill patient at the Singapore General Hospital (SGH).

Salimah is deputy director of nursing at the hospital. But this was not a work call. This was related to her befriender work at Fitrah, a programme by the Islamic Religious Council of Singapore that supports inmates, ex-offenders and their families.

It was a plea for help from the patient’s husband, who was in a halfway house at that time. His wife had advanced cancer. A tumour obstructed her throat, requiring a tube to assist with breathing. She could not even form full sentences.

As she was in a stable condition, she was due to be discharged the next day for home-based palliative care. But she needed a wheelchair to move around easily, as well as a hospital bed so that she could rest in a semi-raised position to ease her breathing difficulties.

Social workers helped apply for these, but the homecare equipment would not arrive in time for her discharge.

The man was distraught. He appealed to Fitrah, and as a volunteer, Salimah helped to follow up on the homecare equipment, ensured that the woman’s children knew how to care for her, assisted the family financially through Fitrah’s help, and provided a listening ear.

Two months later, this patient passed away from her illness.

EXTENDING A HAND AND A LISTENING EAR

Salimah is a 61-year-old befriender. A nurse for 44 years, she has dedicated her life to caring for hospital patients on their journey to recovery. But when off-duty, she cares for people on a different sort of recovery journey – offenders and their families.

“I think all of them deserve a second chance,” she said.

Over the past five years, Salimah has befriended close to 10 women, including the wives and mothers of inmates, and one ex-offender. She recently received the Long Service Award (5 Years) at the Singapore Prison Service (SPS) Volunteer Awards Ceremony 2024.

Usually, when inmates request for support for their family, Salimah starts by paying a home visit to find out their needs. She files their request with Fitrah, which supports the beneficiaries by applying for financial assistance, assisting with employment applications, and providing social, emotional and spiritual support.

Salimah recalled her first befriendee – an elderly woman whose two children had been incarcerated, leaving her the main caregiver of three young grandchildren.

On arriving at the home, Salimah was surprised to find a clean, well-kept three-room flat and a family of young children held together by a strong, determined grandmother.

“A lot of times, I said, can I hug you? Can I hold your hand? I want to get this feeling going through my nerves and my vessels. Because I don’t know how you can be so positive,” she said.

The majority of Salimah’s befriendees, the families of inmates, are very strong women, she added. However, there are some who are struggling with personal issues such as marital problems and need emotional support.

Though it is not standard practice for all befrienders, Salimah chooses to give befriendees her mobile number in case they need to reach out for further assistance or a listening ear.

She told CNA Women that one befriendee has a husband with mental health issues who sometimes threatens her life. When the befriendee calls Salimah during these conflicts, the latter lends a listening ear and checks that she is safe while she is on the line.

BECOMING FRIENDS WITH AN EX-OFFENDER

Though Salimah works mostly with inmates’ families, two years ago, she also befriended an ex-offender – a woman in her mid-forties who served time for drug use.

The friendship began with several phone calls to the prison and continued after the ex-offender’s release in January 2023.

Through WhatsApp, phone calls and one lunch meeting, Salimah encouraged the ex-offender through her job search, job changes, her daughter’s unplanned pregnancy, and her transition to becoming a grandmother.

“Everybody makes mistakes in life,” Salimah said. But when ex-offenders want to return to the community, they are not always accepted well. Without social support and acceptance, they are more likely to return to their previous circle, increasing their chance of re-offending, she added.

A grandmother of four, Salimah said it pains her to see how drug use tears families apart.

“For drug addicts, the ones who suffer are their family members. If they don’t change, what will happen to their children? When I look at the little kids, it pains me. They deserve better,” she said.

Salimah sees her role as holding space for ex-offenders so they have a chance to rebuild their lives and families. 

“Having someone out there to be their friend boosts their morale in a small way. Not being judgmental, giving them the space, and believing that they can turn a new leaf can motivate them to believe in themselves,” she said.   

GIVING BACK TO THE COMMUNITY

Salimah started volunteering with the needy around 20 years ago and said that being able to give back gives her “energy and a sense of fulfilment”.

She recalled growing up from hand to mouth as one of eight children of a hospital attendant and a domestic helper.

“I remember when my father got his salary, he used it to pay for last month’s grocery bill,” she said.

“We never knew what chicken was. We ate it once a year during Hari Raya. We used to eat cream crackers from the big Khong Guan tin – no fancy food,” she added, choking with tears.

“We slept on the floor (packed) like sardines because we didn’t have a proper mattress. But we were happy children… we’d climb the trees, ride the bicycle, fall a hundred times – we had a lot of broken skin… That was the life I had. I have no regrets,” she smiled.

“But that was what drove me to say that I need to change the way my parents live,” she said. Though an average student, Salimah worked hard to progress in her nursing career and was able to take care of her parents in their old age. Both have since passed away.

“I owe a lot to them. I feel that could be a reason why I am doing this,” she said, adding that she wanted to do what she could to give back “not only within the family, but out of the family nucleus as well”.

She sees a befriender role as doing a small part for those who need a friend.

“It is just a mere 10 minutes of WhatsApp texting, or 10 to 20 minutes of chatting. I always deem it as the smallest of things. It is never an additional burden.

“I have all their numbers, and I remember them for their uniqueness and their needs. Now, they are like my friends,” she added.