Squid Game star and former BigBang member TOP opens up about confronting his 'past mistakes and shame'

Squid Game star Choi Seung-hyun, popularly known as TOP, spoke to South Korean media outlets for the first time in 11 years on Wednesday (Jan 15). TOP's last official outing with Korean journalists was in 2014 when he promoted the movie Tazza: The Hidden Card.

During Wednesday's interview, the 37-year-old – who was formerly a member of the K-pop group BigBang – spoke in length about his past legal troubles with marijuana, his decision to join Squid Game Season 2, the mixed reception towards his role as Thanos as well as the likelihood of his return to BigBang.

“I felt a strong desire to apologise for everything that has happened. I also feel that the lack of communication has led to a lot of misunderstandings. After careful consideration, I gathered the courage to come forward," said TOP of his reason for holding the interview.

"In my 20s, I experienced glorious moments and received an overwhelming amount of love. However, I fell and faced ruin because of my mistakes. Experiencing such a downfall left me mentally devastated. I struggled to make rational decisions, everything seemed negative, and I dealt with significant self-hatred. As a result, I made many mistakes due to poor judgement. I deeply regret those mistakes and have been reflecting on them sincerely," he added.

According to TOP, he had planned to step away from the entertainment industry. However, that changed after he received an offer to audition for the role of Thanos in Squid Game Season 2.

"No one sought me out for ten years. Then [director Hwang Dong-hyuk] invited me to audition, and I wanted to repay that trust by giving my best performance. Honestly, I didn’t plan on returning to the entertainment industry before that," he said.

The role of Thanos, a washed-up rapper who consumed drugs, forced TOP to confront his "past mistakes and shame".

"It made even auditioning for it a tough decision. From an objective perspective, there was a risk of my image being permanently associated with this role. Filming the scenes where the character uses drugs was mentally taxing. It felt like a battle with myself but at the same time, I felt it was a fateful role."

TOP's portrayal has received a mixed response, with Korean media outlets criticising him for being hammy and cringeworthy. On the other hand, TOP has received overwhelming praise from international outlets who called Thanos one of the highlights of Squid Game Season 2.

TOP himself is aware of the reception, saying: "I accept all opinions humbly because evaluating acting is the audience’s right."

He also clarified that Thanos' "cringeworthy" behaviour was intentional.

"If Thanos were a cool rapper, he wouldn’t have participated in this kind of game, nor would he have become a hip-hop loser reliant on drugs. The exaggerated gestures and ridiculous raps were all part of the concept."

TOP also divulged his reasons for leaving BigBang and his thoughts on a potential return. His last release with the group was the 2022 single Still Life.

"I am the one who caused harm to BigBang, the group that brought me my brightest days. After completing my military service, I went to the members and YG Entertainment and told them I would leave the group," he said.

TOP added that due to his "immense guilt", he hasn't been in contact with the members of BigBang.

"Maybe when more time has passed and I find peace, I’ll be able to contact them."

He did, however, watch BigBang's highly-praised performance at the recent 2024 MAMA Awards which garnered the group a new legion of fans and made its 2006 hit Bang Bang Bang re-enter music charts.

"Seeing the members perform so brilliantly on stage filled me with both pride and guilt. I sincerely wish them the best," said TOP.

TOP also clarified an incident in 2024 that saw him blocking fans of BigBang who tagged and congratulated him in posts celebrating BigBang's 18th anniversary.

"I didn’t want to give false hope to fans who wished for a reunion or were still waiting. BigBang was such a beautiful part of my 20s. The members were precious to me like family. For me, seeing BigBang was like looking at a photo of a family I had been separated from. It was painful in a way that only I could understand. Fans continued tagging me and posting photos, but it was truly painful for me to see those photos," he said.

"My actions were never about erasing BigBang or hurting the members. Blocking fans was simply because it was as painful as looking at a picture of a separated family. Unfortunately, that seems to have been misunderstood."

TOP reiterated that he has no intentions of rejoining BigBang.

"The mistakes I made were far too significant...I have no right, and it’s been too long to return."

As for his future plans, TOP admitted that he "does not have the emotional space" to think about it.

"I just want to be a sincere musician and actor. My goal is to become an actor who can show off the person I’ve grown into during those dark times."